Sex Spoken Here: Secrets of a Sexuality Educator

How the Hell Do You Travel with Sex Toys? (Holiday Edition)

With the holiday season upon us, I thought I would re-run this particular blog post. Unfortunately, I'm also dealing with a little writer's block. Being able to re-run my most popular blog posts is pretty freaking handy!

In any event, I wish you and your sex toys safe travels!

I have to admit that I never really gave this matter much thought in the past. That was, however, before I began travelling to other cities for my various sexuality workshops. 

As a sexuality speaker, it is wonderful to be able to present at retail stores like Good Vibrations, Camouflage, or Early to Bed because they have an entire store filled with some of my most favorite sex toys. That means that I can leave the majority of my sex toy demo collection at home and not have to bother with TSA or airport security. 

One of my most popular and requested topics is my "Art of Oral Sex" workshop which is also known as "Fellatio, Fellatio, Fellatio!" I have invested close to $1k in demo toys that include a variety of silicone dildos from Tantus, Inc and a medical "male genital model". I also bring a variety of flavored condoms that participants can use if they aren't 100% confident their toy has been sterilized to their satisfaction. As someone who has some definite OCD tendencies, I totally get this. 

What usually ends up happening is my suitcase ends up being 1/2 full with sex toys since I bring about 25 demo dildos for my fellatio workshops. 

(yep, kinda looks like a dildo forrest, eh?)

So how do I handle travelling with so many sex toys?

For me, I have found that I can more easily relax if I bring my sex toys inside my carry on baggage. Plus, I also know that I've made a huge personal investment in my work supplies and am not confident that the TSA handlers will not take, molest, or otherwise handle my sex toys if it is checked. For me, the peace of mind of knowing I'm in possession of my work supplies is well worth having to go through the TSA screening. 

So what's my secret?

As my bag is being put on the xray machine, I will usually openly declare that I am a sex educator and am travelling with multiple sex toys. No, I don't just blurt it out Tourettes- style either. I will tell the bag screen-er what my luggage contains after I've been waved through and am waiting for my bag to come out on the conveyor belt. There probably isn't a need for me to be so open with the TSA agents, but I find that it makes the whole process run more smoothly. 

There have also been times when the screen-er re-screens my bag multiple times because some of my sex toys are differently shaped. Once I figure out what they are doing, I will often say "yeah, it sure is a funny looking sex toy, right?" I will then offer to open my bag so they can inspect it further, but I have never had anyone take me up on my offer. 

(funny looking yet totally functional sex toy)

I've also found that it is much easier for me to take out individual sex toys if they happen to be something that could remotely be seen as any type of weapon. I will pack my bag so they are really easy to access (and I place them separately in those quart size Ziploc bags...see, I told you I have OCD tendencies), and I use this policy when I am carrying metal dildos from njoy or other large glass dildos. In all honesty, I can see how someone could see these as potential weapons and I like to put things out in the open so I don't have to be personally frisked or questioned about my travels. Further, some of my sex toys are really fricken expensive as they are either custom to me or "one of a kind". One of a kind sex toys? Yep! This is almost always true for my glass dildos. 

(my gorgeous diletto from Steele Malone)

Sometimes the TSA people tell me that there was no need for me to take out my toys to be screened, but I have absolutely no shame about doing it, and sometimes feel like I've made their day a little more fun after I've left the screening area.

I guess I've learned that I am one of those people who tends to be pretty transparent. It works for me in much of my life but can also be hugely problematic for me in other areas (but that is a whole other blog post).

If you are someone who blushes or becomes flustered easily when it comes to sex toys then checking your bag is probably the best way for you to go. However, if you are travelling with sex toys for any type of work related function, then you might want to think about carrying them on. If someone has booked and paid for me to be a presenter, then there is no way I am letting my luggage out of my sight. 

So there you have it friends. I've found that this particular game plan works well for me. I've also asked multiple TSA agents if there is a special "code word" for sex toys that I can use, but have been told by the agents that no such word exists. I have also been assured that the TSA agents are well trained in the nuances of screening sex toys. Now, I'm not totally sure that this is the case, but I absolutely believe they think it is the truth so who am I to argue with them, right?

 

New Boyfriend Meeting the Family? Holiday Dos and Don'ts (Guest Blogger)

Hello my lovelies!

Thanks to the fabulousness that is twitter, I have become friends with a totally fierce woman.

Abiola Abrams (@abiolatv) is a force to be reckoned with! Since I would never be able to do her mini biography justice, so here is how she describes herself

Celebrity Love & Lifestyle Journalist

Author, Personality, Love &  Lifestyle Expert  

Abiola Abrams, your favorite bad girl + good woman, writes books, blogs and columns and broadcasts TV, radio and web series about love, lifestyle and pop culture. This year the love and lifestyle expert has been an MTV Teen Dating Empowerment Coach on the docu-reality series "Made," reported on celebrity news and relationships as a BBC Radio Entertainment Correspondent, been a featured columnist on love and sex for Yahoo Shine and celebs for Yahoo OMG!, talked about and written about love for Essence, blogged on her lifestyle site "Abiola's Passionista Playbook," and hosts/produces her own award-winning web TV series and advice vlogs.

Abiola's upcoming book, The Official Bombshell Handbook, is part humorous memoir, part fun handbook, about living with passion. Dare (Simon & Schuster), a hip hop love story, Abiola's popular debut novel was taught at Amherst College and her provocative writing has been published in anthologies such as Behind the Bedroom Door, Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex, Say Word: Voices from Hip Hop Theater and Eve Ensler's A Memory, A Monologue, A Rant and A Prayer. 

She posted a blog on Yahoo Voices today and I have been lucky enough to get her permission to re-run it on my blog. 

 

New Boyfriend Meeting the Family? Holiday Dos and Don'ts

The holidays are upon us. This time of year can be stressful for many of us. If you're in a new relationship you may feel simultaneously excited and terrified. It can be an anxiety-inducing situation to be around your family by themselves. This year, however, you are bringing home a new beau. You love him and and you hope that your family does too. 

So, what can go wrong when introducing your boyfriend or girlfriend to your family? Everything! 

The Dos and Don'ts Of Bringing Home A New Love: 

DO prepare everyone in advance. 

A surprise is great under the tree but when introducing a new partner to your possibly temperamental family you want to be as prepared as possible. If you know that Great Uncle Arthur is smelly or that your guy has a thing for getting into political fights, warn all parties ahead of time. Wouldn't you want to know before meeting your man's family that his dad may touch your hair and ask you whether it's real? 

DO ease into the situation. 

Your new squeeze may wish to jump in and immediately be a part of the fam but that's just not realistic. There are things about a family dynamic that an outsider, beloved or not, needs to ease their way into. If your brother teases your dude it's okay for him to tease back but he should not under any circumstance jump into the midst of or attempt to mediate a family squabble. 

DON'T stage anything. 

Don't put on airs or tell anyone what to say. Everyone and everything should be authentic. If you live in a gritty cabin in Kentucky don't splurge for a posh hotel spot solely for the purpose of impressing the new boo. If someone loves you they will love all of you, including where you come from. If they can't hack your family digs then they aren't for you. Better you find out sooner than later. 

DON'T be a nervous wreck. 

The holidays are meant to be fun, above all. The reason you are introducing these two parties to each other is that they are both important to you. Release the need for everything to be perfect. It won't be. 

Someone will say something they shouldn't. Someone else will pass gas at an inappropriate time. Whatever. It happens. This is not easy -- I'm talking to me as much as I'm talking to you. Things will go wrong but while you're up in your childhood bedroom crying about it you may be missing some of the best future memories of your life. 


Life is meant to be lived. Get your hands dirty and get in your game. Besides, after your sweetie meets the bunch of nuts you're related to you'll be meeting his family madness as well. This, is the game of life. 

Happy holidays! 

Why Jennifer Love Hewitt & John Mayer Need a Dating Intervention

Jennifer Love Hewitt (JLH) and John Mayer (JM) are two freaking hot messes that are in desperate need a dating intervention. These two knuckleheads are famous (some might argue more than they should be) for their constant inclusion in celebrity gossip. And since I am guilty of loving my gossip mags, I feel compelled to throw my two cents in over what assumptions I have made from the media. Sounds super scientific, right?

These two unlucky in love losers briefly dated in 2002. Rumor has it that JLH sent some fancy bouquet of balloons and candy to one of JM's recording sessions. Apparently it worked. Personally, it kinda sounds to me like a gesture that is better suited for a 6 year old birthday party and not someone you want to bang. 

JM had recently ended a very brief affair with songstress Vanessa Carlton. It isn't surprising that JM and Vanessa did not last. After all, this was a time when each of them just launched their first major label cds. Rumor had it that their relationship was doomed in part due to a little game of "who is doing better in the charts" rivalry. 

In 2002, pictures began circulating around the gossip circuit with JLH and JM together. This lead a ton of people to incorrectly claim or hint that the song "Your Body is a Wonderland" was about JLH. Just so we are clear, he wrote that song years before he even met JLH as it was included in his first non-major label release in 1999. At the very most, he was wanking it to her image from tv shows or the movies. 

Ok, so I have an enormous amount of JM information! I admit it! I used to be a huge fan of his back around 2001, used to send him porn while he was touring (the ingrate never thanked me, but I did become known as 'porn chick'), and met him a few times. Even back before he hit it big, he had a reputation of sleeping with his fans. 

Since the time JLH and JM dated, she has been engaged at least twice (if not more, I lost count), and he has remained the bad boy bachelor. Part of the reason I have such a strong dislike of JLH is that she appears to be a love addict. Everything I have heard or seen written about her makes her out to seem completely desperate, insecure, and clingy. At least it seems that way to me.

I also really don't like that she is one of the main reasons the word "vajazzle" exists. As a sex educator, I know that vaginas are an internal structure only. Maybe I could go at her with a hot glue gun, a speculum, and some swarvoski crystals for her to get that what she is talking about is mons jazzling. 

JHL needs a dating intervention at best or some serious therapy around being a love addict at worst. The fact that she is 32 and has had a few broken engagements isn't really that big of a deal. The reasons behind her broken engagements, however, is a red flag. 

On one hand she is probably smart to have never gotten married because it is highly likely she would be divorced by now. She is probably glad to have dodged the epic Kim Kardashian marriage fail bullet. But it does make me, as a dating coach, wonder why she chooses men who she is clearly incompatible with.

I think her bottom line is that she is in love with love, and moves full steam ahead when she finds someone new to date. The problem with this game plan is that people are usually on their best behavior during the courtship period and aren't always being completely sincere and authentic. For example, someone you are newly dating is most likely gaga over you, wants to spend a lot of time together, and is probably pretty generous with compliments. What was once "Wow, I love the way you treat and take care of me" can quickly become "Why don't you compliment me anymore, why are you so busy, and who else are you hanging out with". I'm not saying that her clingyness and insecurities are the reason for her failed engagements. Ok, well maybe I am. The bottom line is that JLH needs to be be secure, confident, and really like herself before anyone else can truly love her. 

My dating coach suggestion is that she spend a lot more time on herself and a little less time chasing love. 

Now JM is a whole other ball game. He is a narcissist with boat loads of money, an allegedly big dick, and has the ability to literally charm the pants off of you. He is also someone who brags about his conquests in excruciating detail, making many of his past lovers cringe. Incidentally, he was rumored to be gay or enjoy a little man on man action years ago, but I think that rumor has mostly gone away.

Let's face it, JM is a douche bag. Even HE admits that he sounds like a monster douche after reading things about him. I hear he has a google alert for his name, too. The google alert doesn't appear to be working as he is still mostly thought of as a cad.

My dating coach prognosis for him is not great. There is little you can do for someone who is narcissistic. However, I do know that he needs to stop dating other celebrities! Vanessa Carlton, JLH, Jessica Simpson, Heidi Klum, and Jennifer Aniston have all been romantically tied to him. What he really needs is a good kick in the ass. He needs to stop seeing the women he dates as trophies and inanimate objects and nut up. He is a 34 year old man who still acts like he is 14. Maybe he suffers from arrested development because he began non stop touring when he was young and it consequently made it difficult to form real relationships.   

It's funny and pretty rare that I can become so annoyed by others that they prompt me to write a freaking long blog post. Maybe it's me who really needs an intervention?

Get HIV Tested for World AIDS Day (San Francisco)

Holy shit balls, trying to find a list of agencies participating in HIV testing for World AIDS Day is a bitch!

I will never understand why important information like this is so freaking hard to find. You would kind of think that the community would want to work together and make some sort of public announcement about this, but I guess not. 

**Just got off the phone with the SF AIDS Foundation, and there is NO list of clinics offering HIV testing tomorrow for World AIDS Day.**

Here is a list of places that do HIV testing, BUT I don't know for sure if any of them are actually testing tomorrow. In case you don't know, a lot of sites offer testing, but it is only during specific days of the week or during specific hours. 

I actually felt bad about taking the info straight from the SFHIV.org site, so I decided to take it down. For a list of all the SF HIV Testing sites, go here.

I encourage you to call the places nearest to you and ask if they will be doing HIV testing tomorrow. I've already offered myself up as a hand holder if you are too scared to go at it alone. I was an HIV tester in the early 2000's, so I can help break down what will happen. 

For information on other SF World AIDS Day events, check out this blog.
 

Catherine's Ginormous Sex Term Glossary!

Ok, so this is just too freaking good to keep to myself! I'm really, really excited about my newest project, so I apologize in advance for me being overly enthusiastic.

I've just launched my ginormous sex term glossary so it is not even close to being complete. This is a labor of love and will take a lot of time! However, it's too cool to keep to myself. You can check out the beginnings of the blog by going here. 

The following is my mission and the reasoning behind the glossary. I really hope you enjoy it and find it educational, informative, and entertaining. 

So I've had this idea running around in my pretty little head for quite some time.....my life would have been so much easier if there was one central place to get quick, accurate information on sex terms. 

There is a TON of inaccurate and downright shitty information on the web. In fact, It is kind of a pet peeve of mine. I figure that I should put my money where my dirty mouth is (instead of just bitching about it) and produce a fabulous and glorious sex term glossary just for you.

Since the glossary I envision creating is a ginormous task, consider it to be a work in progress. I will make every attempt to make sure the content is correct, but I am definitely not perfect. If you see a term that is not up to date, wrong, or want me to include a sex term you don't see listed, please email me at catherine@catherinecoaches.com. Before you bombard me with emails, please give it some time because, like I said, this is a huge list and it takes both time and love to create. 

However, I should clearly point out that as a woman and a sex educator, I happen to find some terms that relate to sexual activity completely offensive. I will not promote words that I find offensive. 

But hold on to your hats because I haven't got to the best part yet!

In addition to the definition of the sex term, I will give you an example of its common usage. You will be able to get a good understanding of the word by reading how I use the terms as a professional. In some instances, I might even include a video snippet or picture. This is some pretty awesome stuff!

Check it out by going here!

I Want to Go to Vegas in January!

I've been kinda on the bench of whether or not I want to attend the annual AVN expo in Vegas in January. I've never been, but I have a pretty awesome group of companies and friends I would like to see and support. 

This year the AVN Trade Show will be held from January 18 - January 21 at the Hard Rock Casino and the Fan Show & Expo will happen concurrently from January 19 - January 21. The big awards show is January 21.  

(However, we are all aware that my cherry was popped years ago!)

Here is what I propose:

I will gladly pay for my travel and hotel accommodations if you can get me in. I've been to enough trade shows to know that they are super exhausting and booths always need smiling people behind them. I will be your personal booth bitch for the trade show. I am super familiar (and more importantly learn quickly) with many sex toy products.

I promise that I will sex educate the shit out of your toy, lube, or other product if you get me entry to the event. Hell, I will most likely buy you a round of drinks or dinner as well. 

My one stipulation is that I have to be familar and really like your company or products. I can't get behind selling or promoting toys that are potentially hazardous to your health when you know full well that you have your choice of a huge range of body friendly materials.

If you see this and want to take me up on my offer, please contact me asap at Catherine@catherinecoaches.com. 

Shame on You HIV/AIDS Researchers!

**I've made a few modifications to the post since what is inside my brain doesn't always translate to my writing. Hopefully, the post is a little more clear.**

HIV/AIDS is a cause that is near and dear to my heart! My mom worked as an early HIV/AIDS advocate in Chicago (specifically the Howard Brown Clinic) in the late 1980's and I began working in the field in 2002. If you aren't familiar with the Howard Brown Clinic, here is some background on it during the time my mom was a volunteer nurse

By 1987, AIDS had taken hold of the gay community’s emotional and intellectual collective thinking. Howard Brown did more than respond in kind, it pioneered the strategy against the war on AIDS by fighting with facts, providing more medical and psychosocial services, and continuing to reach out to all that needed assistance.

I saw something this past week that is just not sitting well with me. In the past year or so, HIV/AIDS researchers have made an important distinction when it comes to how people become infected. Those living with HIV/AIDS are now unfortunately being categorized into 2 groups--"behaviorally infected" and "perinatally infected". I seriously almost lost my shit when I saw it in a recent article for "POZ" magazine. 

***I should also point out that I'm not thrilled with the term "infected" either. I'd probably go bat shit crazy if I ever worked in the medical field*** 

Here is how the School of Public Health, University at Albany described a webcast that I unfortunately missed. The topic was "Transitional Care for HIV and AIDS from Adolescence to Adulthood" 

Adolescents and young adults are an increasing proportion of the HIV-infected population. In 2008, 17.6% of new HIV cases in New York State were in the 13- to 24-year-old age group. In addition, more perinatally infected patients have entered this age group. The HIV-infected adolescent population comprises a mixed group of 1) perinatally infected adolescents who are now surviving into adulthood, and 2) behaviorally infected adolescents, most of whom were infected sexually

My huge issue is that pretty much the rest of the world demonizes and stigmatizes people who are HIV positive or have an AIDS diagnosis. Even in a progressive city like San Francisco, there can be some pretty big challenges for people living with HIV/AIDS. I saw it every day when I worked in the HIV positive community. So why on earth would HIV/AIDS researchers perpetuate this type of judgement? Unfortunately, I have no good answer for you.

Intellectually, I get that this is important to medical researchers who are called Epidemiologists. I like Epidemiologists because they are able to sift through pages and pages of data that would make me want to stab my eyes out with a fork. In fact, my BFF is one of them. However, unless you work in the medical community, public health, or the CDC, there is really no reason for you to know about them (so don't feel stupid if you've never heard of one).

Epidemiologists are people who work in a branch of the medical field who deal specifically with the incidence and prevalence of disease in large populations and with detection of the source and cause of epidemics related to infectious disease. Simply put, people who work in "Epi" (medical slang) study the causes, distribution, and control of disease in populations. 

In this particulat case, I am upset because medical research terms (perinatal vs behavior) are spilling over in the HIV positive support community.

What do I mean by that?

Now when you read an article about someone who is HIV positive and living their life, it is common for the publication to specifically mention how the person came to be HIV positive.

For example, you will see something like this--"Mary Doe, 37 years old, behaviorally infected" or "Sam Doe, 23 years old, perinatally infected". 

Even though I get the Epi reasoning behind the newer infection classification, I think it is a slippery slope. So now on top of the general public judging you for being HIV positive, you have the HIV community judging you for how you became HIV positive, at least it really seems that way to me. That is some crazy shit!

As someone who worked in the San Francisco HIV positive community for 5 1/2 years, I don't like it, and I definitely don't approve. It makes it seem like the community is now pitted against each other based on how they became HIV positive. I'm sure some people would argue that perinatal infection is much more acceptable than someone who was behaviorally infected. You know, because getting HIV through childbirth is less dirty than getting infected through unprotected sex. That, my friends was sarcasm.  
                                                                 

The main ways of becoming HIV positive perinatally is through a vaginal delivery or c-section. However, becoming HIV positive due to ones behavior can mean many things (and it usually has a judgement around it). Behavior can refer to having unprotected anal sex, unprotected vaginal sex, unprotected oral sex, and IV drug use. The main take away from this, I think, is very sex negative. 

I still can't help wondering why the HIV/AIDS community would accept this change. I just don't see the point. Is it possible they think people who are perinatally infected are more worthy to access care services like drug trials, emotional support, and medical care? Maybe they think that people who are behaviorally infected could benefit more from other services. And why do we not use the "behaviorally" term when it comes to other medical issues like Heart & Liver Disease, Cancer or Migraines? After all, research does show that certain lifestyle modifications can reduce or increase your risk of getting Heart & Liver Disease, Cancer or Migraines. 

I guess my bottom line is that HIV is HIV is HIV. Yes, it is important for the medical community to be aware of when a person became positive (also called seroconvertion) and through what means. I get that a baseline assessment needs to be made and blood testing needs to get completed so a HIV positive person can better understand how it is presenting in their body. However, I guess I just fail to see the everyday practical need for outing or classifying how someone became HIV positive. 

There, I've said my piece. Now I have to leave because writing this particular blog post has given me a "behaviorally infected" migraine. 

 

I'm Speechless! What Do You Do When Someone Rips You Off

I'm a talker. I'm someone who has opinions on lots of things and not much leaves me speechless. I'm a girl who, on holiday in Bahamas years ago, was doing the "Discover the Dolphins" tour with my husband. The instructor was telling us what was going to happen, what order we would swim with the dolphins, etc. when he turned to me and said "Ok, 'talky one', you're next!"

Nevertheless, I was left speechless today. I found out that a tantra worker in Canada, Olivia Jade, took pages from my website, CatherineCoaches.com, and is using it word-for-word on her website. As someone who outed herself for being a total dick upon the realization that some of my website wording was too similar to someone else in the field who I greatly admire, I am completely sensitive when it comes to this kind of stuff. 

The part that bothers me the most about this situation is that she ripped off entire sections of my website including what brings me the most joy and money, my sexuality workshop offerings! Don't believe me, take a look for yourself:

(wow, I sure look different!)

(Hi, my name is Olivia Jade of Passion by Design, and I steal web content. I'm smiling because I'm a thief!)

Comprehensive Sexuality Education for the New Millennium.
Learn from a SEXpert

Want to learn how to give amazing oral sex, discover new toys or fetishes, or simply improve your body image and interpersonal etiquette, there’s a sexuality workshop for everyone.

What Makes My Sexuality Workshops Different?

First and foremost, Olivia is a highly trained sexuality educator who has taken hundreds of hours of formal sex educator training and has spent thousands of hours as a intimacy coach .  All my workshops are based on an educational, motivational, and empowerment platform.

Olivia loves providing fun and interactive workshops for people celebrating weddings (hello bachelorette parties!), unions, or even break ups and divorce.

Olivia’s strong sex educator background ensures that workshop participants will get timely information that is neither too clinical nor over-sensationalized. By using a down to earth approach along with just the right amount of humor, my sexuality workshops will set you on the path of ultimate sexual fulfillment.

Sexuality Workshop Topics Include (partial list)

• The Physiology of Sexual Pleasure & Sex Toys (aka Oh Yeah! Right There!)
• The Art of Oral Sex (aka Fellatio, Fellatio, Fellatio!)
• The Wondrous Female Orgasm (featuring the mythical clitoris)
• Positive Body Image (aka Love Your Body Now By Finding Your Fabulousness)
• Self Image, Self Love, & Self Pleasure
• Never Come Between a Boy and His (Sex)Toys
• I Hear It’s Very Popular: A Gentle Introduction to Anal Pleasure
• Couture Sex Toys?  Yes, Please!
• Sex & Dis/ability
• Talk Dirty To Me
• Sex Spoken Here: Q & A Free-For-All
• Improving Your Sexual Communication
• Not Another Boring STI Workshop
• Not Another Boring HIV/STI Workshop
• Beyond HIV 101
• Opening the Door: How to Talk to Youth About Sex
• Negotiating Safer Sex for People who are HIV Positive
• Sex Club Etiquette
• Fantasy and Fetishes

How Much Do Workshops Cost?

Every workshop is unique and custom tailored to meet the specific needs of the organizer.  My workshop cost depends on a variety of factors including the number of participants, how many supplies I need to bring, how far I have to travel, etc.  Yes I travel!  I am willing to travel nationally for your workshop.

I usually ask that you pay one half of the total workshop price at the time of booking as a down payment to secure your workshop date.

If you wish to book a sexuality workshop at a university/college, please contact me with the specific dates you are requesting, the topic of the presentation, and what your budget is.  This will greatly expedite the booking process.

**Please note that for travel, I charge my speaker fee in addition to any reasonable transportation/hotel/rental car expenses.**

What Are Your Most Popular Workshops?

Power Flirting: How To Flirt with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere

Did you know that 90% of a person’s opinion of you is formed within the first 2 minutes of meeting? What kind of impression are you making?

This fun, interactive workshop will let you explore what makes you unique and memorable to others.

Come learn the tricks to being a sexy and confident flirt, how to send the messages you want others to get, ways to deal gracefully with rejection (hey, it happens to everyone), and leave the workshop with a new found sense of empowerment.

This workshop is designed for everyone, whether you are single, taken, or somewhere in between.

Love Your Body Now by Finding Your Fabulousness

About 80% of American women and 45% of American men are dissatisfied with their appearance. No doubt about it, our society is obsessed with the ideal of perfection. Is it really surprising that we have body issues?

This thought provoking, interactive workshop will let participants explore the root of their own body issues, how it has affected them and prevented them from truly embracing their sexuality, and most importantly, how to combat the constant barrage of media attention focusing on perfection.

This workshop will also explore the reality of genital shame and how it can affect us from celebrating our sexual selves.o.

Self Image, Self Love, Self Pleasure

Sexuality involves many aspects, and that includes your perceptions of yourself.  This class will discuss self image, self love (and learning to love yourself) and how all of that correlates to self pleasure and sexual satisfaction!

Participants can expect to tackle the taboo subject of genital shame head on and will also learn about my top picks for incorporating sex toys into self pleasure.

The Wondrous Female Orgasm (featuring the mythical clitoris)

The female orgasm…It is a deep, confusing, and often complex topic. This workshop will introduce participants to female pleasure physiology and anatomy, the different phases of the female response cycle, what types of orgasms women can achieve, and how you can become more comfortable pleasuring yourself.  We will also explore which specific sex toys can help make achieving orgasm a reality.

This workshop is designed for everyone.  Whether you have never experienced an orgasm, or want to learn new techniques that can help you better communicate what you need to help you achieve orgasm.

*Perfect for bachelorette parties*

The Art of Oral Sex (aka Fellatio, Fellatio, Fellatio!)

Want to learn how to give your man a blow job that will knock his socks off? There really is an art to oral sex.

This art of oral sex workshop will cover male pleasure anatomy, tackle myths surrounding fellatio and oral sex, misconceptions, and hang-ups that keep us from truly enjoying the experience, and provide you practical tips and techniques that will make your partner moan with pleasure.

This workshop is designed for everyone and will leave you feeling confident in your new found skills, empowered, and absolutely beautiful.

*Perfect for bachelorette parties*

The Physiology of Sexual Pleasure & Sex Toys (aka Oh Yeah! Right There!)

This is probably my single most popular workshop. The majority of us are unfamiliar, bewildered, and uncomfortable with our sexual anatomy. It is no wonder considering most of us don’t even get that information from our own doctors.

This interactive workshop uses diagrams, puppets, and photos to help demystify the confusion surrounding both male and female pleasure anatomy. Topics covered include the sexual response cycle, orgasms, the g spot, the p spot, and anal sex.

Participants will also be introduced to how sex toys can enhance both solo and partnered lovemaking.

*Perfect for bachelorette parties*

***Olivia would be delighted to custom design a sexuality workshop curriculum based on YOUR unique needs***

 

Um, the ONLY thing she changed was plopping in her name where mine should be! 

Anyone who provides sexuality workshops knows that 1) finding workshop titles that are interesting and original is a bitch and 2) writing workshop descriptions is a time consuming affair. I'm blown away that she would take my entire offerings and use them for profit as her own.

I've spent almost 10 years working within the field of sexuality and I find it hard to believe that someone who is primarily a Tantra Educator would have curriculum that specifically addresses things like sex club etiquette, safer sex for people who are HIV positive, and STI transmission.  

You might be thinking to yourself "isn't your website content copy-written?" Good question. And the answer is yes. All my content is exclusive to me and my business Catherine Coaches. It's even written in my "terms of service" for my website

6. Copyrights - All materials on the Site are protected by Federal copyright and are protected under treaty provisions and worldwide copyright laws. Materials contained in any part of the Site may not be reproduced, copied, edited, published, transmitted or uploaded in any way without the written permission of Operator, except as expressly stated in the Limited License provision in these Terms and Conditions of Use. Operator does not grant any express or implied right to you under any of his trademarks, service marks, copyrights or other proprietary information.

I guess one way of looking at it is that I should be flattered by her enthusiastic copying of my work. Yeah, that doesn't cut it for me. This is just being fucking lazy! 

How did she think this was acceptable, ethical, or professional? I'm sure I will never get an answer that I think is satisfactory. 

One of the things I learned from sounding too similar to someone else who works in my field is this--Be yourself and believe in yourself. I am what I am, and people will chose my services based on if they think I'm qualified, am a good fit for them, and if they think they will get what I promise. Even if this woman did a spot on impression of me, she will still only be second best. 

I've gone out of my way to be helpful to others looking to enter the field of sexuality. Take my information as inspiration and don't rip me off. Even so, if you rip me off, as this person has obviously done, give me a little credit! 

So what do you do when someone rips you off so blatantly and doesn't give you any type of credit? Well, if you are me then you contact your lawyers. 

Read This Before You Get Married!

I was sad to see that the wonderfully talented and goofy Zooey Deschanel separated from her husband of 2 years who is the lead singer for the band Death Cab for Cutie. Between you and me, I bet she is super thankful to Kim Kardashian stealing all the divorce gossip news. It seems to me that Zooey's marriage is going to come and go with very little fan fare. 

I'm by no means a marriage and family therapisy or expert. However, I am someone who is 40 years old and has been with my husband for 20 years (married for 16). Regardless of my lack of expert qualifications, I am going to chime in here anyway. 

Many of my friends (at least those who are allowed to get married) are divorced or separated. Given today's ridiculously high divorce rate, this should not come as a surprise. My sisters who are a few years older then me are both moms and married. We are all on our first marriage (in case people are keeping track of that sort of thing), but I was the first to marry in 1995. 

I've long felt and said that too many people make a mockery of marriage. They go into it lightly and then seemingly blow out of there when they realize who they married isn't the person they thought they married. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Kim Kardashian.

One of the other things about marriage and divorce is how on earth is it possible to be in love with someone and have children with them one year and then literally hate them the next. I'm not judging here, really I'm not. I just honestly don't understand (and this happens a lot) how you can have such hate towards the mother or father of your children. Another thing I find equally as puzzling are couples who have children out of wedlock but claim they don't want to get married because they aren't ready for that level of commitment. Seriously? I, for one, can not imagine any situation that makes you more committed to someone than having and raising children. 

I'm a fairly practical person at heart, so I have some equally practical tips for knowing if you are ready for marriage. 

• Do you really like the person you are marrying? This might seem like an obvious and odd point to make, but it is something people often overlook. This can include things like if you enjoy their company and do you miss hanging out with them when you aren't together. 
• Does your partner fight fair? I'm guessing that people who are reading this part will either totally get what I'm talking about or totally not get it. Fighting fair means not using a fight to bring up every stinking thing that annoys you about them AND not bringing up crap that you've been silently brewing on for days, months, or years. Fighting fair means you begin with "I" statements and not saying general things like "you never fucking listen to me". A better way of stating that (in case you care to know) would be to say "I sometimes feel like you just tune me out". Many people fear confrontation. I have found that arguments can often end up with me better understanding someone and therefore feeling closer to them. 
• Does your partner like to bicker? I'm putting this is here because it is one of my pet peeves. I hate being around couples who bicker. Even more, I hate being around couples who can't even recognize this is their pattern. I don't see the point in the knit picking and back and forth bickering banter or purposefully making someone else feel stupid (except on rate occasions). I never dated someone who was always looking to pick a fight with me, and there is no way I would have considered marriage if this was our typical dynamic. It's exhausting to everyone involved. 
• Do you know how to communicate with your partner? This is huge. Lots of marriages break down because people have either stopped communicating with their partner, or simply never really knew how to communicate in the first place. 
• Do you know how your partner feels about money? Regardless of how much money you actually have, this is an important point to know. If you are someone who spends money as soon as it comes in then your more conservative spending partner needs to know that. It may be that you decide on having one joint account for all home expenses and then separate personal accounts. Whatever the case is, you need to have a game plan. It's also important to put all your debt cards on the table. You should have a general idea on how much debt your partner will be bringing into the marriage and what it is for. 
• Do you know how your partner feels about kids? I am someone who is happily child-free. I never wanted children, and my husband knew that before we got married. Our plan (because we got married so young) was that we wouldn't think about having kids for the first 5 years of our marriage. After that, we brought the topic up every year to see if our feelings had changed. Luckily, we both agree that being parents is not important to us. In fact, probably the only thing that would break us up is if either one of us strongly changed our tune and now wanted kids. People still ask us when we are going to have children and my husband's answer is "When I grow a uterus". People usually change the subject after that comment is made. 
• If you do plan on having children, do you know what your partner thinks about religion and how to raise them? 5 words; Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman
• Do you know how your partner feels about sex? In this day and age I can't imagine how couples delay having sex until they are married. It just doesn't seem practical. However, having sex with someone doesn't always mean you know how they feel about sex and sexuality. Not sure what I mean by that? Many couples have un-fulfilling sex lives, and that sometimes means they go outside of their marriage to get certain needs met. For example, let's say you are married to a man who is pretty dominant in all aspects of his life, but really wants you to anally penetrate him while wearing a strap on. I'm going to guess that some married women would not necessarily jump up and down with joy upon hearing this. A fabulous way of figuring out what type of sexual activity you and your partner are open to exploring is to fill out a Download Yesnomaybe evaluation.  
• Do you know where your partner wants to live? This is important to know especially if you are living in a temporary location. Some couples write out their top 3 or 4 places where they would like to live and see where and if there are any commonalities. When I got married, my husband was in a PhD program in Colorado. If you follow my blog then you know that I have never been a huge fan of that state. He was recruited from companies located everywhere from upstate New York to Northern California. Moving to Silicon Valley was a very simple decision for us. 
• Do you know what type of lifestyle your partner is used to or expects? I'm throwing this is here because I've seen many couples not agree on how to spend money. For example, it's not uncommon for one partner to feel like the other is cheap, frugal, or thrifty, and for there to be many arguments over this. It doesn't have to be a deal breaker, you just need to have some sort of game plan in mind. 

So there you have it my lovelies, my top attributes on what makes a good marriage. I'm sure I've left out a few so please feel free to leave comments. 

The Hollywood Herpes Tree--Celebrities Who Have Herpes (Allegedly)

**To check out my updated post on this blog, please go here**

I originally blogged about this topic back in January of 2010. I've decided to bring it back because of the recent multi-million dollar lawsuit brought against an "A list" actor who allegedly infected his sexual partner during a debauched weekend in Las Vegas. Apparently, not everything that happens in Vegas (like herpes) stays in Vegas. 

I'm not sure if the $20 million lawsuit was ever settled, as there doesn't appear to be much current information on the case. 

There is some legal precedent when it comes to one person successfully suing the person who transmitted the herpes virus to them. Thomas Redmond is a multi-millionaire and the founder and creator of the "Aussie" haircare products. His lover (who was 20 years younger than him) successfully sued him to the tune of somewhere between $4.3 million and $6.7 million. Other famous celebrities who have been sued for transmitting the herpes virus to their partners are:

• Tony Bennett was sued for $90 million. He later provided medical records showing he was herpes free and counter-sued the woman for defamation and $100 million. Unfortunately, there seems to be little information on how, when, and for how much the claim was settled. 
• Robin Williams was sued for $6.2 million. He later settled out of court. 
• Michael Vick (yeah, that dog dude) was sued for an unknown amount. He later settled out of court. 

Herpes is one of the most prevalent and contagious viral STI (Sexually Transmitted Infections) in the world. It is caused by the herpes simplex viruses type 1 (HSV-1) or type 2 (HSV-2) infection.

How many people have it? 

In the US alone, it is reported that at least 45 million over the age of 12 have had genital HSV infection. Genital HSV-2 is much more common in women (about 1 out of 4 women) than in men (about 1 out of 8). 

Most people who have herpes have NO or only minimal signs or symptoms. Common signs typically appear as one of more blisters on or around the genitals or rectum. The blisters can commonly be misdiagnosed as ingrown hair follicles or a rash.  If the blisters break, they will leave sores that usually take between 2 to 4 weeks to heal and clear. Subsequent outbreaks tend to be less severe and last shorter then the first noticeable outbreak.

People who have herpes often report feeling that "tell tale" tingling just prior to experiencing an outbreak or "shedding". From a public health standpoint, medical providers USED to say that this is the time to totally avoid sexual contact. More recently, newer infections have been reported during non-shedding times as the infection stays indefinitely in the body.  

Here are some ways you can NOT get herpes:

• toilet seats
• towels

Here is how to test for herpes:

• blood test
• visual inspection during an outbreak
• swab test

The most common treatment for herpes is a combination of antiviral and suppressive medications like Valtrex. 

Being that it is so prevalent, there are MANY Hollywood celebrities who allegedly have herpes. I'm an admitted celebrity gossip whore, and these are the people I know of (allegedly):

1. Janet Jackson
2. Moby**
3. Robin WIlliams (see above)
4. Jeff Goldbloom**
5. Derek Jeter who allegedly gave it to (along with many others)
6. Jessica Alba
7. Paris Hilton (duh!)
8. Victoria "Posh" Beckham
9. Lindsay Lohan
10. Alyssa Milano
11. Britney Spears
12. Katie Holmes
13. Billy Idol
14. Fred Durst
15. Tony Bennett (see above)
16. Michael Vick (see above)

**Allegedly, they pass it along freely with out informing potential sex partners

The fact that so many people have herpes tells me that we still have a long way to go if we want to be able to openly talk about our sexual health.

I'm a huge advocate of people knowing their HIV/STI status. I'm also a huge advocate of people talking about their sexual health with their potential partner(s) prior to engaging in sexual activity. If you have full knowledge of your partner having herpes and make the decision to have barrier-free sex, then that is the level of sexual risk you are comfortable making.

When someone you are planning to have sex with asks you about your personal sexual history and health, tell them the truth if it could potentially affect them (for example, if you had a bacterial STI, successfully treated it, and got the "all is clear" from your doctor, there is no need to tell someone about it unless you want to). Similarly, its up to YOU to ask your potential sexual partner(s) about their sexual health and history.