I like to say that going through the process of date coaching is no picnic.
Date coaching is not for everyone. However, successfully completing date coaching sessions can set you up for a much easier dating life.
If you are coming to me for dating assistance, then one of the first hurdles we need to face is the fact that what you are doing is not working. Perhaps you techniques had worked in the past, but we need to figure out what is going on before any meaningful change can occur.
After years of completing intake assessments for everyone from hard-core violent convicted felons and petty criminals to HIV positive youth, I am pretty freaking spot on at evaluating someone I have just met. I may ask a lot of leading questions, but one of the most important tools I utilize is quite simple. I listen to what the person in front of me is saying. I also like to assess a person's body language and general appearance.
How people consciously or unconsciously present themselves to others has always been endlessly fascinating to me. It is one of the reasons I love people watching.
I offer a free 20 minute phone consultation to prospective coaching clients for a variety of reasons. I need to know if this person is coachable, if they are ready to really go through the coaching process, if they have realistic goals, etc. I admit that phone consultations aren't always ideal, but you might be surprised to hear that a ton of information can be gathered within that 20 minute time frame.
Without having ever met a person, I can usually pick up what their dating issues are. For instance, some people open the floodgates from the time you say hello, some people have goals that are near impossible to quantify, while others aren't completely sold on the idea of coaching.
When it comes to being a dating coach, I let my potential clients know that they will be expected to spend a minimum of 5 hours per week (of their own time) actively working my plan. I know there are some dating coaches who make clients commit to spending a minimum of 15 hours a week.
If someone decides to become a date coaching client I utilize the initial meeting to assess them and their challenges and figuring out what type of game plan will help them realize their dating goals.
Here's the deal. As your dating coach, I want you to succeed! It isn't with sadness that I let my clients go by ending coaching sessions. I am genuinely happy that they now have the tools to go out and get the relationship they desire.
If you are someone who is considering hiring a dating coach, here are some useful tips to help you out.
- Be open and honest about what your current dating needs are
- Have some sort of goal or set of goals that you would like to achieve
- Know your top 3 or 5 non-negotiables when it comes to who you want to date
- Expect that coaching is going to move you out of your comfort zone by working on specific challenges meant to help you achieve your goal
- Know that you have to personally commit to changing aspects of your life if you wish to be successful
- Trust your coach, their professional opinion, and game plan
- Expect that change will happen overnight and with little effort
- Don't quiz your coach on what their qualifications are
- Send lots of emails and expect quick and complete answers (most coaches charge by the hour and this includes time spent providing email and phone support)
- Don't argue, refute, or flat out disagree with your assessment and plan of action
Becoming a coaching client sometimes requires a leap of faith. Sometimes it can be crystal clear to others what exactly is keeping you from becoming a successful dater. You need to be open to processing honest feedback even if it is a blow to your ego. You also need to trust in the process. Know that you will be required to complete certain assignments because they are designed to help you reach your goals.