Regular readers of my blog (thank you!!) are fully aware that I have a disproportionate fixation with all things anal. Some even refer to me the the most anally fixated sex educator out there. The funny thing is that I lovingly regard Tristan Taormino as the most anal educator in the community.
I can't deny that I am super anally fixated. In fact, I have decided to re-brand myself as an "Anal Health Ambassador". Catchy, no?
First of all, I love the IDEA of all things anal much more then the REALITY of anal. I used to joke around with people saying it took me at least a few good weeks to prepare myself mentally and physically for the ordeal. I never understood how some women and men I have talked with are so comfortable having anal sex on the spur of the moment.
It's totally true that many younger women are engaging in anal sex more and more. Of course, mainstream porn is partly to blame, but it surprises me how many women are eager to engage in anal as an alternative during those times they are menstruating. It also makes me wonder how many young males are properly trained in the art of anal sex. To me, it seems that young men are really good at having jack-hammering sex; and that is precisely not the type of anal sex you want to introduce a young willing partner to. Anal sex requires a lot of patience (particularly during insertion) and most of all lubrication! In fact, there are more and more lubes on the market today that are designed solely for anal play!
When it comes to engaging in enjoyable anal sex, I have a few tips. Just after the time of insertion, most people are going to tense up. It's natural. But if you wait a minute, your anus will say to you "ooh, ok, there's something in there so let's go with it." Generally, it's super helpful to have lots of ongoing communication. "Do we need more lube?" "Do we need to take a short break?", "How are you doing?", "Is there anything that I can do to make it more pleasurable?", etc.
**Speaking about lubes brings up a particularly funny memory for me of when my then 2 year old nephew found my bottle of Liquid Silk (it has a pump on it to look like a body lotion). He was holding it and running around my apartment to show his mom his aunt's lotion! I was laughing hysterically, but somehow I think the humor was lost on his mom. And, by the way, Liquid Silk is one of my most favorite lube of all time!**
For those of you interested in learning more about anal sex, probably one of the best authorities of all time is Tristan Taormino. She is simply amazing and holds anal sex seminars, has a website, has written books on the subject, and has even produced movies. Unfortunately for me, she resides on the east coast. I did have the good fortune of meeting her in person once.
Even though I love the thought of anal sex way more then the reality, it is something I have enjoyed. Anyone who knows me is aware of my love for porn. Yep, I've seen a lot of it (some for and some not-so-much for "research purposes"). I'm a particular fan of anal porn (but double penetration is better)! And by double penetration, I do not mean someone taking 2 people in the same orifice at the same time. Although, I have known plenty of people who happen to love engaging in that type of sex now and again.
When people watch anal porn, they most likely have no idea that a fair bit of preparation has occurred prior to shooting a scene. Those who regularly engage in anal sex have their own routine, but it usually consists of some type of douching or "shower shot" cleansing along with possibly wearing some type of butt plug to get themselves ready.
Clearly, there is much more involved in having anal sex then regular vaginal penetration. It is for this reason that I am genuinely stumped when I hear people talking about having it on a whim. It makes me wonder, however, how many young women (and young men) are having this type of anal sex only to please their partner.
Anal sex is not just confined to women and the gay community. Participants in my workshops are always surprised to learn that strap-on harnesses are one of the fastest growing items for hetero people purchasing new sex toys. Bend over Boyfriend, or "pegging" is the act of a woman using a harness and toy combination or a share toy where she uses her pc muscles to engage the toy while the other end is used to penetrate her male partner.
I can hear you all the way over here in Silicon Valley saying "man, that guy's a homo!" and "no way would I ever let anyone do that to me!"
Engaging in anal penetration does NOT make someone gay.
Sexual pleasure and sexual activity have nothing to do with sexual identification. Think of this--me liking Italian food doesn't make me Italian. The anus is a literal bundle of nerve endings and MANY men, regardless of their sexual preference, enjoy this type of play. Don't believe me? That's ok, but I bet some of your male friends enjoy partaking in a little anal play now and again--especially if it includes a well-timed (and lubed) finger up the ass while he is also getting a blow job. A few brave men will admit that it will be all over for them if you use this combo...and by all over I mean a huge prostate-milking, toe-curling ejaculation! In fact, one of my favorite comedians, Dave Attell, has a comedy bit where he says the difference between a good and a GREAT time is an extra finger!