I can't believe it has been over 2 years since I first posted this blog article. As a blogger, it can be quite the hoot to go back to older posts. So much so, in fact, that I find myself saying to myself "Hot damn Catherine, that was some pretty good stuff!"
I'm including some links to condoms that one can order to size. You might be incredibly delighted to find out just how pleasurable custom fitted condoms can be. As with all STI's, however, remember that condoms only cover what they cover. There is still a lot of exposed skin that rubs together when getting down and dirty. I'm only reminding you about this because it can be quite easy to forget....especially when you are all juiced up and ready to go.
FYI, I have absolutely zero affiliation with any of the companies, so I'm not posting the companies in hopes of getting a kick back.
https://www.coripa.com/worlds-only-custom-fit-condom-about-us
https://www.mysize-condoms.com/measuring/
Man Up, Bitches
That's right, I said it!
So I already know that this particular blog post will not be very popular with most of my male readership. How do I know? It’s because I’m talking about condoms.
Working in HIV/STI prevention in San Francisco, I became intimately familiar with condoms. I can put them on blindfolded, with my mouth, with one hand tied behind my back. Are you starting to get the general picture?
While I certainly don’t want to stereotype people, it is almost exclusively men/penis owners/male bodied people who have such strong, visceral reactions to using condoms.
What do you need to know about condoms? For starters they are hugely effective *if used correctly* for most STIs, HIV, and pregnancy. Kinda like plane crashes, condom breakage can usually be traced back to user error.
For step-by-step instructions on how to properly put on a condom, go here.
Here are a few of my recommendations when it comes to using condoms:
- You might be a cheap bastard, but do not purchase any condoms from the dollar store. Period. Seriously, think about it for a minute. Ridiculous, right? But I get asked this question a lot during my workshops.
- One of the most important details of condoms is the “use by” date. It is usually clearly printed on each condom wrapper as well as the packaging. Fyi, most condoms have about a 5 year shelf life.
- Get into the habit of purchasing your own condoms. Regardless of your gender, this is actually very important and empowering. Don’t leave it up to your penis partner to have their own stash on hand. You probably have no clue how long the condoms have been around and how they have been stored.
- I don’t care how cool you think it makes you, don’t carry condoms in your wallet. Even if you have a tiny ass (lucky bastard!), sitting on your butt all day heats up your wallet and will similarly heat up your condoms.
- So where do you carry them? Take a look online because there are some pretty cool, discreet, and small condom carriers out there. If you have a man purse, messenger bag, or back pack, keep them in a protected internal pocket. This goes the same for women. Put them in your makeup bag or other discreet internal pocket of what ever you might be carrying. Iphone cases are not a good condom-carrying option because of the heat.
- But what if I don't like using condoms because I lose my erection? First of all, I say “booo freaking hoo!” (picture me squeezing my eyes shut to wipe away my fake tears). As a sex educator, that is almost never an acceptable excuse. Guess what, you can actually masturbate with condoms on! Who knew, right? Well, I did actually. Masturbate with a variety of different styles of condoms so you can determine which one is your favorite. Condoms are incredibly effective and some even provide a “natural” feeling. If you have a latex allergy, get condoms made out of polyurethane. Seriously, you will not be allergic to both latex and polyurethane.
- Non lubricated condoms as well as flavored condoms can make giving a blow job a hell of a lot more safe. However, flavored lubrication and condoms usually get their tastey-ness by using sugar or a sugar substitute. Sugar can be really bad for the vagina because it can disrupt the natural ph balance, and when that happens, welcome to yeast-ville. Fyi, some men are also prone to yeast infections. Yep, it’s true, but that is a whole other blog post. So to repeat, flavored lube and condoms should be used for oral sex only.
- If you are a penis owner whose dick goes limp whenever it becomes condom adjacent, here are a few thoughts. First try the masturbation thing. I'm not kidding you, it can actually work. What you need to do is become your very own condom expert, and the only way of doing that is by using them consistently for sexual play. If you still have difficultly after you have tried the above suggestion, you might want to think about using a cock ring. Put the cock ring on when you are really erect and then slip the condom on after you are good and engorged. The cock ring will temporarily keep the blood flow in your penis and it will be less likely that your stiffy will become flaccid. You can then take off the cock ring once you are sure you are all good to go (or not, depending on how you roll). Remember that, in general, most cock rings should not be worn for an extended period of time.
- Try putting a drop or 2 of your favorite body safe, condom compatible lubrication in the tip of the condom just prior to putting it on. It will not only cut down on friction, but it will feel really good. Now, don’t go getting all carried away by putting gobs of lube in the tip because this will increase the chance of the condom slipping off.
- Finally, when putting on a condom, you always want the reservoir tip pointing up. If you make a mistake and put it on the opposite way, throw that one away and use a new condom. Basically, you want the condom to look like a sombrero, fiesta or party hat. Get yourself to remember that if it looks like a sombrero, then it is party time! ***
My sex educator bottom line is that condoms are a really good thing. They greatly decrease the transmission of most HIV/STI’s as well as prevent pregnancy.
STI’s can range from annoying bacterial infections (like Syphilis, Chlamydia and Gonorrhea), in which case most are easily cured with antibiotics to life threatening viral infections (like HIV and Hepatitis C).
Bacterial infections are usually pretty easy to treat although that does not make you immune from acquiring the very same or even other infections. I'm sure you have heard about the Gonorrhea strains going around that are referred to as "super bugs" because so many people are becoming immune to the treatment. In fact, having one STI greatly increases your chance of becoming secondarily infected with another bacterial or viral infection. A friend I met at a sexuality conference told me "a sore is a door", and I couldn't believe how incredibly funny and true that statement is. When you get a sore, your white blood cells emerge (sometimes you can see them, like in your mouth) in order to heal your body. However, white blood cells are like crack to HIV & STI's because they offer up such an easy way to get into your blood stream. Viral STI’s can not be cured. However, they can be managed pretty well if you are aware of the infection.
The choice of whether to use a condom or not is totally individual. If you are fully aware of what can happen in the absence of using condoms and you still chose to not use them, then that happens to be the level of personal risk you are comfortable taking. However, if you are still thinking that condoms are too much of a bother or you just don’t like them, then I would suggest you evaluate how your life could potentially be impacted by acquiring HIV/STI’s and/or what paying to raise a kid for 18 years would look like for you.
Condoms!
***even though I would love to be able to take credit for this little ditty, I heard it from Megan Andelloux.