As a sex educator I totally admit that I tend to live in a little sex bubble. That is, sometimes I am taken aback at how uncomfortable some people are when the topics of sex and sexuality are discussed.
What do I mean by that?
Remember when I held my big, amazeballs sex toy giveaway? I had more than a few people send me private messages that they really wanted to participate in my event, but they were not comfortable leaving a public comment. I've also had people tell me that my facebook posts are "too sexual and out there." Of course, they usually say that before they are asking for some sort of assistance from me.
After doing a lot of workshops, it has really dawned on me that most of us are really uninformed about the wonderful topics of sex and sexuality.
Here are a few major tidbits people almost never tell you when it comes to sex:
- Sex is fun and is often funny! It can also feel really, really great. Most of the time sex is portrayed in the movies and tv as being super sexy and also super
serious. Seduction seems to be the over-riding theme amongst Hollywood sex scenes. If you ask me, this can set a lot of people up for unrealistic expectations. Even sex that is scheduled can be fun. Sex can also be pretty dang funny. Experimenting with new and different positions, vaginal and anal farts, and general clumsiness are all things that are worthy of a few chuckles.
- Lube is your friend! I seriously think I must have been smoking crack for the majority of my sexual life as I only really became a lube connoisseur after I became a sex educator. Why in the hell had no one told me about the wonder of lube before?! I think that many women suffer some anxiety over the amount of vaginal lubrication they produce. Sometimes it's too much, but more often it is too little. Try to remember that every person is unique and this can apply to how they experience sexual excitement. It is also common that a side effect of certain medical conditions and medications can impair the natural lube production. This is only one of the reasons lube is the 8th wonder of the world. In fact, I'm going to write a whole blog post about lube so keep your eye out for it.
- Some lubricants can be problematic for people prone to yeast infections. Many of the more well known personal lubricants contain ingredients like glycerin and sugar. Both ingredients are known for being problematic for people who have chronic yeast infections or candida.
- Sex can be messy! Again, this isn't something that is shown in most media, including mainstream pornography. Male ejaculate, female ejaculate, vaginal lubrication, store bought lubrication, and other bodily fluids (like blood and fecal matter) can make for a messy experience. Some women tell me they find out they are ejaculators on accident. It can be quite surprising as female ejaculate can range from a sort of trickle to a very robust gush. Once they figure out they can (and desire) to ejaculate, many women will put down extra towels, puppy pads (hey, they are very absorbent!), or even a vinyl sheet.
- Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate events! This is usually a head scratcher for many people because many, many people experience orgasm and ejaculation at the same time. People who don't tend to think they are broken, have sexual dysfunction, or a psychological or *medical* (see below) condition. Orgasm is that yummy, euphoric feeling one experiences, while ejaculation is when the pelvic floor contracts over and over again allowing fluid to be expelled from the body. If you have only experienced orgasm and ejaculation separately, then that is most likely your sexual "norm". However, if it is something that is new to you, then I would suggest you bring it up to your doctor to make sure it isn't a symptom of an undiagnosed medical condition.
Of course, this is only a short list of the many things people really never tell you when it comes to sex. Feel free to leave a comment with your own personal story.
FYI, sources on the glycerin and yeast connection