At least it seems that way. Lately it appears that anyone who is comfortable talking about the topics of sex and sexuality deem themselves sex experts or "sexperts", and it's high time I call bullshit.
This blog post will probably upset many people. I imagine people thinking to themselves "who the hell are you to tell me I'm not qualified!" or "you're only bringing this up to make yourself look better."
My answer to you is "hear me out."
Here's the deal: When it comes to sex and sexuality, there is no governing organization. Affiliations with SSSS (Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality) and AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) are the closest thing we sexuality folk have in terms of legitimizing what we do. My full disclosure is that I am professionally affiliated with AASECT, but not licensed. Yes, it would be lovely to have that certification in my back pocket, but I have found that it has never been an issue when it comes to my work.
In the United States, there are only a small handful of universities that offer advanced degrees in Human Sexuality. Several of the people I know have both a Masters and a PhD in Human Sexuality.
As someone who gets tons of inquiries on how to become a sex educator, I am noticing a bit of a trend. The majority of the letters I receive start something like this "I'm someone for whom talking about sex has always come naturally and I think I would be really good at what you do." I think it's great that some people seem to be born with an ability to talk openly about sex! But, it does seem a little like it minimizes just how difficult in can be to break into the field. It's almost a little like saying "Hey, I have always been great at arguing, so I think I'd make a great lawyer." Talking about sex, much like being able to argue a point, is probably the most tangible aspect for people to grab onto, but it is only a fraction of what makes someone a sex educator or a lawyer.
I think there might be a bit of a disconnect in what it means to have a career in sexuality. For many people, it is a long process, and initially, there is very little money. You have to "pay your dues" which can takes years and years. Because the pay is low, many folks in the community are unable to have it be their only or even primary job. There are very few people who are well connected, good at business, and lucky enough to break into the field in an expedited way. I find that many people do this work because it is their passion and not because it makes them well known or rich. Those who are credible tend to be extremely hard on themselves, and always feel like they could or should be doing more.
As you probably know, my husband has his PhD in electrical engineering. In his particular line of work you almost never hear of people declaring themselves to be an engineer unless, in fact, they are. Somehow, when it comes to the field of sex and sexuality, having lots of it or being able to talk about it makes someone an expert.
Becoming an expert in any field takes time. It's not something that magically happens overnight or after taking one or two workshops. I totally admit that I often feel like I still have LOTS to learn even though I've been in the field going on 10 years.
Even though it doesn't seem like it, the world of HIV/AIDS research moves at an alarmingly fast pace. Newer and faster ways of testing, HIV treatment protocols, and research studies are just a few instances in how the field has changed since 2008. I would not feel completely comfortable re-entering the field as an educator unless I did some serious learning.
I've said it so many times, but being able to talk about sex and sexuality is not the same thing as being sex positive. And just because you talk about sex, it doesn't mean you have your facts straight. There is a lot of misinformation out there, and some can be traced back to these so-called "sexperts". FYI, most of the sex educators I know are not huge fans of the title "sexpert", and very few would describe themselves as such.
Where it gets tricky is that it isn't always easy to suss out the real experts from the fake experts. Any kind of credible-sounding advice from someone willing to talk about sex and sexuality is usually all that is needed to deem them an expert.
Here are a few ways to figure out if someone is truly a sex expert:
- Look at their experience. Sometimes it can be difficult to find exactly what makes them an expert. Look for real life work experience in sex education, volunteer experience, professional certifications (like AASECT), and/or education. There is also a great community of people who are either doing or have done sex work. The knowledge they bring to the rest of the community is hugely important.
- Is this person known in the community? If you call yourself a sexpert, yet no one has heard of you, that is a problem. References from other people in the field are one way of figuring out if the person is credible. References for your prior career aren't always going to be relevant or even appropriate for a career in sexuality.
- If this person is a presenter, where have they presented and on what topics. I've seen people charge hundreds of dollars for workshops on the same topics I cover but with no professional experience. Sometimes people will have wildly different backgrounds (corporate finance or corporate management, for instance) yet still fancy themselves a sexpert. Simply put, sexuality speakers speak about sex. A lot.
- Is this person able to address YOUR community and needs? My body image workshops are going to look slightly different when I am presenting to a group of people who are currently on HIV medications. Why? because HIV meds can have some pretty startling side effects in terms of your body (like having fat magically migrate to other areas of your body).
- What do you find when you google them?
The topics of sex and sexuality are considered so taboo that people are literally yearning for accurate information! People sometimes stumble upon a fake expert who sounds legitimate, but they give advice that is not so great.
Let's face it, talking and writing about sex can be wildly fun, exhilarating and meaningful. Calling yourself a sexpert is cute and catchy. Seriously, I get it.
Almost anyone can call themselves a sexpert if they give advice like "show enthusiasm" or "be more open to explore with your partner". Unfortunately, it doesn't always make it so.
