Ah, life as a sexuality educator!
This is one of the four questions men ask me all the time. In case you are curious, the other questions are; How to I approach someone without looking like a creep? Is the size of my penis big enough?, and Am I good enough in bed?
The "am I gay?" question confuses me for many reasons. First and foremost, I am not at all a fan of the underlying assumption or fear that being gay is bad, wrong, or deviant. On another level it probably annoys me because I am constantly being referred to as "the gayest gay man" who happens to take the form of a (mostly) heterosexual woman.
Even though I happen to have mad gaydar, who am I to give you a definitive answer as to if you are gay or not. The question does usually prompt me to ask a series of questions that are intended to help that person gain a little clarity when it comes to their sexuality.
I happen to believe that gender and sexuality need not "fit" into any distinct category. One of the most wondrous things about sexuality is that it is a wonderfully wide and fluid continuum. Not everyone is distincly gay or straight. Rather, we can *organically* move across the spectrum during the course of our lifetime, and when I say organically, I am NOT talking about those ridiculous and harmful "pray the gay away" types of organizations.
When a guy asks me if he is gay, I usually ask these types of questions:
- Do you like and enjoy having penetrative sex with men?
- Do you like and enjoy having oral sex with men?
- Do you see yourself settling down into a serious relationship with a man and possibly starting a family?
- What does your gut instinct tell you?
Sometimes a guy thinks that it is gay if he happens to enjoy any type of man on man fantasy or engage in anally focused sex. I like to remind people that the anus is a virtual wonderland of nerves so it has the potential for being an erogenous zone for anyone.
In any event, here is a short little video I made in my attempt to tackle the common "am I gay?" question.
