Flirting is a series of verbal and non verbal actions we do when expressing interest in or attraction to another person.
Much of flirting is subconscious and greatly depends on being able to successfully display and read body language. I happen to fancy myself quite a great flirt, and am sometimes surprised at how many people miss body language that should make them run for the hills.
For instance, the majority of people you meet will make a baseline decision on who you are and if they are interested in getting to know you better within the first 2 minutes of meeting you. Specifically, over 90% of the messages we send out are non verbal.
That's why one of my main coaching themes is consistency. People who give off the best first impressions make sure that what they are saying (verbal communication) is not only consistent with what they are feeling, but also with how they are saying it (non verbal communication). In face, many of my clients report that friends and family will ask them if they are "doing alright" when nothing is wrong simply because their face is giving off a grimacing or unhappy vibe they had no idea they were sending out.
People love consistency, and often become confused when what you are saying does not match the tone of what or how you are saying it.
Examples of bad/not interested body language include:
- Someone looking around the room when talking to you
- Folding their arms across their chest
- Putting their bag, purse, briefcase directly in front of them
- Playing with or constantly checking their cell phone
- Nervous fidgeting and/or finger tapping
- Someone leaning backwards or away from your direction
- Frowning or grimacing
- Constantly rubbing or touching their face
- Shoulder shrugging or slumping
- Rocking back and forth
- Not meeting your gaze
- Feet heading away from your direction
The examples above all fall under negative body language because the person you are speaking with are using classic defensive, protective, anxious, disinterest, or discomfort strategies.
You can improve your own body language by becoming more of a people-watcher. Spend time in public areas looking at groups of people and figuring out what type of body language messages are being sent and what body language messages are being missed.
I would also suggest that you check in with yourself a few times a day to make sure the body language you are putting out is consistent with how you are feeling and thinking.
Now, get out there and people-watch!