For most of my professional life I have been what is called a "case manager". One of the most important aspects of being an effective case manager is completing the intake interview. For my purposes, the word intake is being used to describe an introductory meeting (can also be called intake meeting, preliminary interview, investigation, personal history, etc). This is when I would meet with a potential or new client, assess what their primary needs and potential challenges are, and recommend a therapeutic treatment plan.
As a dating and sex coach, I continue to meet with potential and new clients to assess their suitability as a potential coaching client. Some of you might be thinking that as long as they have the ability to pay for my services, then anyone and everyone is a potential client.
In reality, I don't want to work with everyone. Moreover, not everyone is coachable. When talking to someone who is considering my services, I usually keep an eye out for any red flags that makes someone not coachable.
Not sure if you are coachable? I've taken the liberty to put together a list of the 5 most obvious red flags.
- A person either knows or suspects they have an un-treated psychological issue. Let me put it this way, if someone admits to having depression or social anxiety disorder but hasn't "gotten around" to filling their prescription, there is not much I can do for that person. Sure I could take their money and recommend a coaching course of action, but it will most likely be a very frustrating experience for everyone involved.
- A person has un-realistic coaching expectations. This is a tricky one to spot because it may not always be so obvious. What do I mean by un-realistic expectations? I'm glad you asked! If someone is generally unlikeable, socially isolated and/or a severely introverted person, but wants me to turn them into a "chick/dude magnet" or "pick up artist" we are going to have a problem. As my hairdresser tells me, "I'm a beautician NOT a magician!"
- A person wants me to do all the work. I know this sounds kinda funny, but it happens more often then you would think. First of all, I don't need to do the work! I know this stuff like nobody's business. How this usually plays out with a coaching client is someone telling me that they don't feel like they have learned much by meeting with me. If they tell me they have changed nothing about their life to become more personable, proactive, or sociable, then it's pretty clear they are doing nothing more then paying my coaching fee. This is why I usually send my clients home with exercises they are supposed to do between our sessions.
- A person expects me to find them their dream partner. I guess it bears repeating because I still get this request a lot; I am NOT a match-maker. I can suggest places to go, events to attend, and which online dating sites to register with. Hell, I will even be a person's wingwoman for events. What I can't do is guarantee they will find the person of their dreams. This is why you spend a boat-load of cash on a match-maker. They figure out what you offer, what you want (or in some cases what they think you need) and pre-screen people so that you have a high potential for finding romance. **I also should clarify that people should not become a client thinking and hoping I have a surplus of single friends I can hook them up with. For the record, the vast majority of my friends are gay, queer, or identify as something other then heterosexual.
- A person expects me to have sex with them. Maybe it is my growing google ranking, but I seem to get regular calls from men who, either explicitly or implicitly, infer they would welcome sexual touching during a sex coaching session. As a sex coach, I will never have sex with you. End of story.
Catherine is also the organizer of a monthly meetup.com group called "Flirting, Dating, and Sex, Oh My!"
Please contact Catherine for your FREE 20 minute phone consultation if you believe you are coachable.