Men and women. A lot of fuss is made over how different we appear to be. John Gray became uber famous by coming up with the saying that men are from mars, and women are from venus.
While it's true that there are some significant differences between the way men and women communicate, we are also similar when it comes to certain relationship aspects.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with the men in your life:
- Men are afraid of rejection too. In fact, the vast majority of men love it when they are approached by women. Women are much more intuitive then men when it comes to flirting. Men have a harder time picking up on flirting cues and body language. Women, this is where being direct with your flirting gestures can come in handy. So go ahead and approach that cute guy you are interested in! Make sure he knows you are interested in him, and you may be pleasantly surprised at how receptive he becomes.
- Men hate it when you ask them "...can we talk?" Women, this is probably one of the easiest ways to strike fear into the heart of your man. If you have a difficult time understanding this concept, just think back to the last time your supervisor at work told you that they needed to "check in" with you. Hearing these words can send a guy into a fit of questions like "..what did I do?", "is this is breakup conversation", etc. In fact, it's best to try to avoid using the "we need to talk" phrase if possible.
- Men are not mind-readers! I know, I know, this is shocking. This might mean that you women out there might have to actually *gasp* tell your partner what you are feeling. When your man asks you where you want to go to dinner, speak the frick up. Do not wait around for him to guess what kind of "food mood" you happen to be in. This kind of goes hand in hand with giving the old "nothing's wrong" answer when you know darn well something is going on. Being able to speak up and have a tough conversation is all part of growing up and being a woman. It will be so much healthier for your relationship in the long run if you and your partner are able to have frank discussions over the particular issues or challenges you are facing as a couple.
- Men really want to feel that they are loved, respected, and needed. Most men are well aware of all the self-sufficient women out there these days. While it's true that we are no longer living in the 1950's,most men still want to live up to the ideal of being a good provider and husband. You may not need a man to open the door for you or to walk you to your car, but you don't need to refuse the offer if it comes your way either. How many married women do you think tell their husbands that 1) they are happy they are married to him and 2) would marry him again if given the choice? The best thing about paying your man a few compliments is that it costs you absolutely nothing, and it deepens the bond you already have.
Catherine Toyooka is the founder of Catherine Coaches and is a blogger, sexuality speaker, educator, and a dating & sex coach helping busy professionals living in Silicon Valley, San Francisco, and beyond. She is also the organizer of a monthly meetup.com group called "Flirting, Dating, and Sex Oh My!".
Please contact her to arrange your free 20 minute phone consultation.