For example, I have always been an un-abashed flirt. One of my earliest memories is of me being about 5 years old and chasing around Tommy, a childhood friend of mine. When I caught him, I would kiss him, and then the chasing process would start all over again. Sometimes I feel like not much about that particular aspect of my personality has changed in past 30 odd years.
When people meet me, I often feel that I confuse them. I guess I can kind of be described as a "wild card"; I don't really fit any traditional mold. Don't believe me? I'll give you a few short examples.
1) I worked at BAY Positives, the world's first peer-based non-profit serving HIV positive youth from 2002 to 2008. At the beginning I often felt like an outsider who many didn't believe belonged at the agency because I was HIV negative, in my early 30's, and a married, heterosexual woman who lived in Silicon Valley. Yup, I drove my ass over an hour each way for a job that paid $11/hour only to justify to many WHY I was even there. Looking back, if I had known about all the bullshit I would have to endure, I probably would have thought twice about my choice, but like the saying goes, ignorance is bliss.
2) I graduated from Scripps College, an amazing and kick-ass women's college even though I have never had an abundance of female friends. It's true, I have always had way more male friends then female friends (read my earlier blog on oral sex) and you would think I would have a natural easiness with women since I am the youngest of 3 girls. What I found is that, for many reasons, my personality has always meshed better with males.
3) People who know anything about Myers-Briggs personality testing are surprised to learn I am what is called an "ISTJ" or Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. An introverted Sex Educator! Is that even possible? Yep, it is, and I am. I've taken this test multiple times in the past 20 years, and it almost always comes out the same. For years I was an "INTJ", but that is only changing Intuition for Sensing. Seriously, most people can NOT believe that I am a professed Introvert. Everyone assumes I am an Extrovert. I can't explain it, but I have the test results if you want to see for yourself.
I've been thinking a lot about my personality lately because of my new business, Catherine Coaches. The majority of my clients are men. I guess that should be expected in an area where the male to female ratio is 5 to 1. When I first envisioned my business, I really saw me having a good mix of male, female, and trans clients. My client base is so male dominated that I will be reviewing and strategizing my marketing and advertising campaigns in the coming weeks and months.
Here is my un-official campaign to gain a more diverse client base.
Women: I know that sometimes I can come off as too confident and that might turn you off to me entirely. My enthusiasm sometimes gets confused for over-confidence and I realize that, but I am really not that different from you. I have been with my college sweetheart since 1991, and even though we have chosen not to have children, I still completely understand/sympathize/empathize with many of the same marriage struggles we all have. Thanks to my late mother, I am blessed with a generosity not often found today, and am a fiercely loyal friend (maybe almost to a fault). I also want to put it out there that I am a friend to both urban and suburban women! Want to talk about sex toys? Let me be your personal luxury/couture sex toy ambassador. I can give you first-hand personal information on what luxury (over $100) sex toys you should invest in and which ones to pass on. Ladies, let me be your trusted guide/mentor/cheerleader and together I can help you obtain the love life you have only dreamed about!
Men: Don't be intimated by me! Remember that I am married to a real life "enginerd". Honestly, you can succeed with women, but it takes a bit of work and commitment. Forget beating around the bush with me. First, I have no time for it and second, it is not in my personality. I can give you the female perspective on all things related to relationships and sex and I promise you will never be bored when working with me! Besides being pretty to look at, I can also work as your very own "wingman" in social settings. It's true that just being with someone else who is considered attractive boosts your own "property value". Let this strange dynamic work in your favor! Let me teach you how to date "smarter".
LGBTQIQ: I have mad love for you all, and the feeling is mutual! In fact, I have lost count on how many times my gay friends have called me "...the gayest man they have ever met". Hooking up on-line, tranny chasing, sticky-rice, chicken-hawks, bdsm, partying with Tina, suicide tuesdays, strap-on sex, vaginal fisting, anal fisting...seriously, I get it! With me, you will find a trusted ally who is also uniquely tuned into your community. I can help you when you are over partying and want to get serious about finding a relationship. With me, you will find someone who is willing to lift a finger when it comes to non-profit community organizing, fundraising, whatever, and someone who will proudly raise my hand (or my fist!) when there is a call to action.
Catherine Toyooka is the founder of Catherine Coaches, a completely unique consulting business offering both confidential and professional dating and sex coaching assistance to individuals living in SIlicon Valley and San Francisco. Catherine is also the organizer of a monthly free meetup group called Flirting, Dating, and Sex Oh My! You can also check me out in person (no stalkers please!) at my Power Flirting Workshopat the Valencia Store location on Wednesday, October 28, 2009 from 8 to 10pm.