As I mentioned in my first blog post, I have an unusual preoccupation with all things anal. Again, I am not exactly proud of this personality quirk, but it has served me well considering the line of work I am in.
A friend of mine posted a fun little video on facebook which is basically a group of women sitting around a table talking about their personal anal sex mishap adventures. They get into a bit of detail over how much anal sex they have had, if they enjoy it, and how engaging in anal sex can often end in a messy (gross, I know) situation.
First of all, I love the IDEA of all things anal much more then the REALITY of anal. I used to joke around with people saying it took me at least a few good weeks to prepare myself mentally and physically for the ordeal. I never understood how some women and men I have talked with are so comfortable having anal sex on the spur of the moment.
It's totally true that many younger women are engaging in anal sex more and more. Of course, mainstream porn is partly to blame, but it surprises me how many women are eager to engage in anal as an alternative during those times they are menstruating. It also makes me wonder how many young males are properly trained in the art of anal sex. To me, it seems that young men are really good at having jack-hammering sex; and that is precisely not the type of anal sex you want to introduce a young willing partner to. Anal sex requires a lot of patience (particularly during insertion) and most of all lubrication! In fact, there are more and more lubes on the market today that are designed solely for anal play!
**Speaking about lubes brings up a particularly funny memory for me of when my then 2 year old nephew found my bottle of Liquid Silk (it has a pump on it to look like a body lotion). He was holding it and running around my apartment to show his mom his aunt's lotion! I was laughing hysterically, but somehow I think the humor was lost on his mom. And, by the way, Liquid Silk is my favorite lube of all time!**
For those of you interested in learning more about anal sex, probably one of the best authorities of all time is Tristan Taormino. She is simply amazing and holds anal sex seminars, has a website, has written books on the subject, and has even produced movies. Unfortunately for me, she resides on the east coast, and I have yet to meet her.
Even though I love the thought of anal sex way more then the reality, it is something I have enjoyed. Anyone who knows me is aware of my love for porn. Yep, I've seen a lot of it (some for and some not-so-much for "research purposes"). I'm a particular fan of anal porn (but double penetration is better)! And by double penetration, I do not mean someone taking 2 people in the same orifice at the same time. Although, I have known plenty of people who happen to love engaging in that type of sex now and again.
When people watch anal porn, they most likely have no idea that a fair bit of preparation has occurred prior to shooting a scene. Those who regularly engage in anal sex have their own routine, but it usually consists of some type of douching or "shower shot" cleansing along with possibly wearing some type of butt plug to get themselves ready.
Clearly, there is much more involved in having anal sex then regular vaginal penetration. It is for this reason that I am genuinely stumped when I hear people talking about having it on a whim. It makes me wonder, however, how many young women (and young men) are having this type of anal sex only to please their partner.
Anal sex is not just confined to women and the gay community. Participants in my workshops are always surprised to learn that strap-on harnesses are one of the fastest growing items for hetero people purchasing new sex toys. Bend over Boyfriend, or "pegging" is the act of a woman using a harness and toy combination or a share toy where she uses her pc muscles to engage the toy while the other end is used to penetrate her male partner.
I can hear you all the way over here in Silicon Valley saying "man, that guy's a homo!" and "no way would I ever let anyone do that to me!" Engaging in anal penetration does NOT make someone gay. The anus is a literal bundle of nerve endings and MANY men, regardless of their sexual preference, enjoy this type of play. Don't believe me? That's ok, but I bet some of your male friends enjoy partaking in a little anal play now and again--especially if it includes a well-timed (and lubed) finger up the ass while he is also getting a blow job. A few brave men will admit that it will be all over for them if you use this combo...and by all over I mean a huge prostate-milking, toe-curling ejaculation! In fact, one of my favorite comedians, Dave Attell, has a comedy bit where he says the difference between a good and a GREAT time is an extra finger!
Catherine Toyooka is the founder of Catherine Coaches, a completely unique business offering both confidential and professional dating and sex coaching in Silicon Valley and San Francisco. She is also the host of a free monthly Meetup group called "Flirting, Dating, and Sex Oh My!" You can become a fan of her facebook page and follow her on twitter.